Love in Isolation, Day Five, Ellis

Day Five
Ellis

Dear Bronte,

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with me. I’m humbled by your vulnerability. I’m not the kind of man who shies away from talking about the real stuff, so to speak. Because of my disability, I’ve spent much of my life isolated from other people. I suppose that’s given me more time alone with my thoughts.

Being sensitive and empathetic are two wonderful qualities. I’m certain that everyone lucky enough to be in your life benefits greatly.

I know exactly what you mean when you say hope is dangerous. Especially in these times. Even before Corona virus, the world seemed depressing and uncertain. People can be so unkind. The planet’s being destroyed because of human greed. Sometimes it seems the liars and cheaters are the ones who come out on top.

However, there is always hope. As bad as things are, there’s always good too. There are many kind people out there making a difference in big and small ways every single day. Sadly, we seem to notice the bad more often than the good.

I have been in love. When I was in my mid-twenties, I met a woman named Alice. She was the receptionist at my first programming job. Alice was outgoing and bubbly, which worked well given my shyness. Crazily enough, she knew sign language because her brother was deaf. She asked me out for a drink one evening and we talked and talked. Over the next few months, we fell in love. She was a wonderful person, funny and smart. We never seemed to run out of things to say to each other.

About eight months later, I bought a ring and planned to propose to her at her favorite restaurant. She was on the way to meet me when she had a massive brain aneurism and died. Her death devastated me. It was as if the sunshine had been taken from the world. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready to open myself up to anyone again.

Between then and now, I’ve dated several women for periods of time, but never anyone I’d want to marry. But like you, I’ve played it very safe. However it is that you lose someone, death or betrayal, has lasting repercussions. Perhaps you and I are finally ready to move on? Could it be that we’ve been waiting for the right person to pull us out of the safety zone?

You asked about regrets. I don’t have any, really, other than waiting so long to reach out to you. I was so afraid of rejection that I couldn’t put myself out there. I’m so glad I did, finally.

What do I think about now that the world’s slowed down? I’ve been thinking about how lonely my life has been. Being alone every day without interaction with coworkers has made it abundantly clear that I need a life outside of work. I’m like you, Bronte. I want that house and garden and children. I want someone to grow old with. We’re not meant to be solitary creatures. I have been way too solitary.

When this is over, where should we go on our first date? If it were up to you, what would the perfect date be? I’d enjoy a walk on Alki beach and then dinner out somewhere. I miss restaurants. My favorite meal out is Mexican, but I am also a lover of macaroni and cheese. I’m familiar with the Beecher’s from Costco. There’s one in my freezer right now.

If you’d like to go out, that is? Would you?

This rain has not stopped all day. Does the gray and rain bother you? Some days I don’t mind. The apartment feels cozy and warm. Today, though, I wish it would stop so I could go out for a walk.

Please let me know if you or your mother need anything. I’ll be going out to the store tomorrow. I could leave the bags for you in your lobby.

My favorite color is blue. Any shade, really, will do.

With affection,

Ellis


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